apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
