Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
