her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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