I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
