He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
