tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I touched a dick in church today
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