i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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