Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
