It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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