My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
