It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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