blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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