It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
