I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
