So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
