I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
