Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
