that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
