If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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