Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
