I'm really into asian looking animals
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Every concussion has its silver lining
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
