people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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