Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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