Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
