Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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