the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
