upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
