don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
