i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize