Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
