four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
