Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
