I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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