KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize