i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
PANTIES FOUND
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
