forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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