Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
