My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
