AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
