never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
