I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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