Screwed.edu
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
