Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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