The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
