just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's always time for handjobs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
