It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
