Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
