You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
