Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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