we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
