While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
