Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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