My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
