And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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