im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
