next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
