Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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