Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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