Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
