She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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