ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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