The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
