either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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