Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
