Don't EVER smell your tampon
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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