The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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