I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
