We won't sleep together?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
