Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
