I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
