I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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