Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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